Sometimes I feel lost in music.

Like now.

I may have a library of songs, waiting for me to click on. But it just doesn't feel right.
Something is missing. The lyrics book, the album art, the full concept of an album, having something solid in my hand to hold, something to keep me from chatting on msn, from surfing the internet, from snacking, from anything.

I have an urge to spend a fortune on various CDs, English and Chinese and then sit down in a corner of the room with the old CD player with the anti-shake system and just listen to songs track by track with my eyes glued to the lyrics book.

I have an urge to throw out everything in my room that is in my way, I have the urge to live in a room with white walls, white floors, white bright lights, and just me in the middle with bright coloured cushions and my trusty old CD player.

My room is still in a mess. My life is reflected in my room. Its messy, but its full of things that are precious, that can make me happy, that can make me sad. But at one look, its just a mess.

The songs that are pulsing through my ears now bring me no inspiration. I am lost.

I need to be pulled back.

I realise I was never the extremist. I was never the loyal fan.

I appreciated the music and I loved the person, but I never really made it a point to listen to every song. Not Jay, Not even Yoga.

But I want to do that now, and I can't find the discs... and I don't want to crawl under my dusty bed and dig them out because I'm allergic to dust.

Ever feel like that? When you have so many things you want to do, and yet you find no motivation to do them? You can't draw enough strength to carry them out...

I can't find the song to sing for the performance on Sunday.

I'm always torn between singing a song I really want to share and a song I do well.

Love me as I am.